Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
