you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
