Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize