We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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