today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
