My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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