My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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