they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
