I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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