My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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