I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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