He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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