just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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