My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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