I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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