I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
