I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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