Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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