I wannas sexs uuuuu
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
