Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
