Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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