I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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