i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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