very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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