id be glad to
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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