idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
