my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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