Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
