someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
