I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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