He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
