i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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