ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
