My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
