Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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