shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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