The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
