she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
