Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
