I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
