I think I am morally bankrupt
You smell like stripper and shame
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He did a backflip because drugs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
