I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
