So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Are my feet made of real feet?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
