Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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