New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
