i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
