I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
