why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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