Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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