Where is the hickey?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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