did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing