can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.