I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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