I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
