Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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