I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize