She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
