she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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