If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
