guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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