I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
