spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Two words: blizzard sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
