I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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