It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
