I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My liver just had a heart attack.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
