...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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