hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
