Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
