Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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