i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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