I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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